Screw you! We're old and we do what we want!

Ladies and gentlemen, here are three items that are on the life support machine we like to call the senior population. Without the support of those 60 and older, the following would probably cease to exist:

1. Home Phonelines

Why it's on this list: I have yet to understand the reason why home phones are still around. You would think the advent of the cell phone- you know those small, portable, convenient talking devices- would vanquish the need for a phone that keeps to tied down to your kitchen.

How long will they be around? Although old people and some single moms love them, home phone lines are a dying breed. According to a study that I can't find on the internet (but heard it on TWiT), 20% of American households have ditched their home phones and taken the cell phone only option. Despite Comcast and other companies trying to bundle home phone lines in with "value packages," I think that home phone lines have reached their time and will probably see a very sharp decline with the next generation of seniors.

2. Newspapers

Why it's on this list: It's no secret that newspapers have fallen on hard times. Advertising money is being spent online and not on hard copies of the Daily "Insert Home Town Here." GenX-ers, for the most part, resort to digital content for their news. Old people, however, turn to their tried and true since 1440 option- the newspaper.

How long will they be around? Not long. Newspapers across the country are dropping like bankrupt flies. They are, quite literally, dying with their demographic.

3. The entire Buick car company

Why it's on this list: I think I will let the pictures do the talking on this one. See if you can catch the reoccurring theme.




























How long will they be around? Unfortunately, human DNA shows that all senior citizens will like Buicks at some point in their later years. According to a recent fake study, 90% of all old people (65 and up) have had or still own and appreciate a Buick sedan. The study also states that even if you hate Buick cars at a young age, deteriorating vision will help give a senior citizen "beer goggle" effect towards cars, thus making everyone susceptible to the "appeal of Buick." And with numbers like 90%, you can be assured that this car company will stay around...well...forever.

So there you have it. Three items that should be extinct but are not due to the wonderful miracle of old people.

-- Chad Waite, Daily Derbi

PS If you didn't scroll over the picture of the old lady driving the car, you should.